On Not Being Every Woman
As I type this, I’m sitting in a coffee shop, while my home gets cleaned. Here is something to know about me…I HATE CLEANING. I always have, and I have accepted that I always will. When I was girl, I would try to find ways to avoid or half-do my chores. When it came to cleaning my room, I would succeed for a week or two at hiding my mess under my bed or in the closet, until the day would come where my mom would come through and pull EVERYTHING out, before giving me a whoopin’ for being deceptive and then make me clean up for real. LMAO
As women, we are ingrained with this idea of cleanliness being our responsibility. Boys are expected to have stinky clothes lying around and to maybe have less than stellar hygiene, but girls are taught how to clean earlier and expected to have a tidy room and no, or a sweet, odor. There are toys created with girls in mind centered around cleaning {and cooking}…colorful vacuums, life size kitchens, and mini broom sets. To be clear, as an adult while I loathe cleaning, I am no slob and believe in keeping a tidy home. However, because of the way society led me to believe that as a woman, I was supposed to love cleaning and keeping my home up, I spent most of my life wishing I could do something else with my time, while scrubbing the toilet. That was, until about 4 years ago… After spending years pretending like I felt my Saturday routine should involve waking up, cleaning the restroom, dusting everything, and sweeping and mopping the floors, I STOPPED PRETENDING. I started doing a deeper clean less often and hiring a housekeeper, when my budget allowed. Then I worked on my finances, so that I could afford to have someone come every month, instead of every now and then, and one of my current goals of increasing my income and decreasing my debt more is to have someone come twice a month to clean.
CONFESSION: I will admit that I struggled with this idea of cleaning less and hiring someone to come do what I “should” be doing, because Whitney Houston said “ I’m every woman; she’s all in me,” and I believed that shit. I believed that in order to have and keep a “good” man, I had to be an excellent cleaner, cook, and lover {admittedly, I am great at two of these things, hehe}…I had to be EVERY KINDA WOMAN he needed. It was actually a conversation with my good man that helped me realize that hating cleaning and hiring a housekeeper was ok, so I want to share few things that I hope will help you feel ok with not being every woman in your life:
You can’t be good for everybody else, if you aren’t good to yourself, first. You deserve to be good to yourself. Whether that means setting aside time to do something that make you happy, or giving up something that makes you unhappy {for me that was scrubbing the tub, lol}. Putting yourself first, gives you the energy to pour into others in your life.
Give yourself grace. It can be easy to feel guilty about not having interest in or hiring out for certain things in our lives {or even accepting help from others}, but the same grace we give to others, we need to give to ourselves. If you want to purchase takeout, instead of cooking {something I struggle with at times}, THAT IS OK. If you want to take the baby to grandma’s house or hire a baby sitter so that you can do nothing or go do something enjoyable, THAT IS OK. If you want to start having someone do your laundry, THAT IS OK. You get the idea…give yourself the grace to take somethings off your plate, without guilt.
The societal norms that we try to live upto were not created for you. They certainly weren’t created with me in mind… a woman who works an exhausting 40+ hours job that she doesn’t love, while trying to build passive income, while hosting a podcast that she is trying to turn into a business, while being a companion for her parter, while cooking a few times each week, while trying to be a good daughter, while trying to maintain friendships… and I don’t even have kids. Being every woman, while juggling the many hats you wear is hard and was intended for a woman living a life different than yours. Bravo to any woman who is doing ALL the things AND loving it; the MVP trophy goes to you.
What works for you, works for you. While I hate cleaning, one of my friends loves it, and I sometime look at her like, “damn, I should enjoy cleaning like her.” At the same time, I enjoy making Sunday dinners like my Granny, and others do not have such capacity or interest. Do what works for you, and release what doesn’t.
Say it with me: I AM NOT EVERY WOMAN. I don’t even want to be. I will place priority on things that make me happy, and release some of the things that make me unhappy. { some, because we are adults and can’t let go of every responsibility, lol.} I will not feel guilty for allowing others to handle things that I feel like I “should” be doing. I will not compare myself to others. I WILL GIVE MYSELF GRACE.
Outfit Deets | Hat: Esenshel; Blazer: vintage (similar); Shorts: Amazon; Bag: CISE; Boots: Charles & Keith (similar); Jewelry: Shayla Ansah Collection, Garnished In Gold, and more.
How are you releasing this idea of being every woman in your life? Let me know in my inbox or drop it in the comments!
