Weight, Insecurities, and Confidence
The other week I went to the doctor, and when I stepped on the scale, I weighed the most I’ve ever weighed in my life. The nurse practitioner gave me a look, as if to say, “I know that number is high, but it’s ok.” {or maybe that’s something I made up in my head, lol.} * shrugs * The thing is, I saw that number, and outside of a bit of surprise, I felt nothing. I used an online BMI calculator, and apparently I’m “overweight.” Here’s the thing though, I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt in my life…
In all honesty, I’m finding myself in this interesting space of feeling sexy af, but not wanting to become obese…wanting a 2-pack {not 6, 2…maybe 4} but also enjoying the softness of my fat spots…knowing cardio is good for my heart but not wanting to lose my hips, thighs, and booty…loving how I look naked, but feeling a wee bit self-conscious at times if something fits my stomach a certain way. Like I said, an interesting space.
If you follow me on IG, particularly my stories, you know I run when I can try to do some sort exercising regularly enough, though the goal is to find something I actually enjoy doing, and do it with some consistency. Admittedly, while I feel very sexy and confident in my “woman weight,” as my auntie calls it, there are moments where I feel a bit insecure. Sometimes this is brought on by something not fitting the way it used to, watching my guy, who has lost a shit ton of weight in the last 1.5 years, exercise daily {to be clear, I have no desire to lose a shit ton of weight}, trying on something in the body-con family, or looking at fine ass chicks with super small waist and big bottoms on IG. I’d love to pretend like the moments of insecurity don’t happen, even if they are brief, but I like to be honest and transparent.
When these moments arise, here are some things I like to do to shake the insecurities:
Get naked. Outside of the fact that I’m a nudist {I talk about that in this post}, I really enjoy being naked, because everything just jiggles and jiggles make me happy, lol. More importantly, when I’m naked, I don’t wonder if something “fits.”
Dance…twerk. I don’t know about y’all but when I’m out twerkin’ with my homegirls, you can’t tell me shit. I believe this to be true for everyone, based on my people watching at the club/lounge. Next time you’re out, look at how confident people are when they are twerkin’ and people around them are yelling “aaayyeeee!!” LOL Bussin’ into a random twerk in the bathroom mirror or the full length dressing mirror, revives that “you can’t tell me nothing, because I am the shit” energy for me.
Affirm myself. Sometimes internally; other times audibly, I say things to myself like… I am perfectly imperfect. I am fine af. My skin is amazing. I feel soft and womanly. I’m the shit…a bad bitch. I make clothes look good. I’m a big believer in speaking positively over myself, in all areas of my life.
Pray. I know I just finished cussing {God is still working on me}, but I’m a big believer in praying about everything. In these moments of insecurity I pray something to the effect of… “Lord help me to see myself as you see me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Help me to look in the mirror and love what I see.” This always makes me feel better, instantly.
We can be so hard on our bodies, but whether it’s the heaviest it’s ever been, the smallest, or somewhere in between, these are our bodies. Our bodies are deserving of our love and appreciation. Moments of insecurity are normal, but we don’t have to dwell in them.
Now, you tell me! What do you do when you find that negative body thoughts and insecurities try to creep in?
